Till death do us part

"I'm sorry. Let's break up, Jen."

I never thought that those words will leave your mouth like it's just natural. Like it's long held back but now was given a chance to fall out.

I packed up all of my clothes and left our apartment. Feeling like a zombie, I wandered in the streets of QC lifelessly, trying to find myself as if it was lost and just waiting to be found. But it's not.

You tore up my heart, just like you tear me apart from your life. For our 6 years of being together, I never imagined of you leaving me. I never imagined, you getting rid of our relationship...of me.

Those 6 years of my life, of our life together was just like a trash, mercilessly thrown into the river. Gone, as it was being pushed and carried by the current.

I remember our memories together, of laughing, arguing, traveling and many more. But you never left a single hint, of you ending us. I am hurt. I am devastated. And frustrated, why did you want us to end? Why do you want me not to stay while you're leaving? 'Jen...' is only you can say that night. "Jen? Jen!" I jumped out of my seat. "Earth to Jenny!" Someone said. I hurriedly wiped my face to remove the lingering sign of me sleeping at work. I looked at where that voice came from.

"Yes, Arch?" I said with a hoarse voice. Immediately, I cleared my throat. "Yes, what?" This time my voice is clearer.

He smiled and chuckled a bit, "Sleeping at work? Tsk, sumbong kita kay Boss." He threatened playfully. "Shh, quiet ka lang" I replied.

And despite of me being broken, I still showed at work that I'm strong, I'm fine, and I can continue life without him.

"Half day daw tayo ngayon, tutal undas daw bukas." Arch said. "Ayan more time for you to sleep."

"Sige thanks Arch. Don't tell Boss that I slept! Ikaw mananagot!" I said in a playful manner.

"Tsk, sige na nga malakas ka sa'kin e. " He said and went away. I neatly arrange my things so that I can already go home and sleep. For the past months, I still can't find myself sleeping at the right time. Everytime I close my eyes, all I can remember is that moment. And when I finally had the time to sleep it's already dawn. I woke up early the next morning. Did my daily routines and drove to a near flowershop. I gripped the steering wheel as I parked my car to where my final destination is. Slowly, my breath became ragged. Tears pooling in my eyes. I knew I had to be strong. So I took a deep breath, and opened the car door. "Jen..." the beeping sound was all I heard next and at one last beep, my life was forever scarred. Until your last breath, all you ever think of was me. You let me go when you were at your worst. And you never want to share your burden with me. You want me away from the pain. But you know what. You failed. All that time, I was in pain. All that time, all I ever think of was you.

How did it happen? How did your condition worsen? I was with you the whole time. When did you have the time to keep a secret from me? And the time that I found out, it was already too late. You're already dying from your illness. Stage 4, lung cancer.

I wish I was there with you when you had your check ups. I wish I was there with you when you feel like your illness is killing you. I wish I was there when you felt like giving up because of the pain. I wish I was there with you. I put the flowers in front of your grave. I pushed aside the dirt in your tomb as I read what's written on it. In loving memory of Christian Agoncillo Born on: May 5, 1990 Died on: July 8, 2017 May you rest in peace.